Still Waiting
There was talk of Liam coming home today. We didn't get our hopes up, but we made sure we were ready. At 5:30am when I called the NICU during my morning pumping session, I was told that we were good to go. And then at 7:00am as I got ready to head into the hospital and bring my baby home, we got a call that Liam had had an apneic episode shortly after my morning phone call and would not be coming home. I hadn't had my hopes up until 5:30am and still I was, am, devastated. I very quickly got very excited about not making the daily commute to the hospital, no longer getting tangled in sensors and leads just to pick up my baby, having both boys home for my 30th birthday on Tuesday. Even having Liam's primary nurse, who was also Nathan's primary nurse, as the one to send us off, is a loss we're grieving today.
Thankfully, we hadn't told Nathan Liam was coming home and didn't plan to tell him until we arrived at the hospital, but still when Nathan asked me why I was crying this morning I told him it was because I had wanted Liam to come home today, but he wasn't ready, and so I was sad and disappointed. Nathan thought about it for a minute, gave me a big hug, and said he was sad and disappointed too.
So we've been eating a lot of ice cream today, pretty much at every meal. Tim and Nathan ended up not coming in to the hospital, so they were able to have ice cream for breakfast. I had to wait till my mid afternoon snack, but I stay up later than Nathan, so I'm making up for lost time.