An Ending
Today we said goodbye to our red stroller. It was moldy, the brake hasn't worked since Tim drove over it when we were still living in Arlington, but still, we used it last fourth of July to get a sleepy, newly five year old Liam home. That doesn't feel like that long ago. And I could see a sleepy newly 6 year old Liam wanting a ride home from fireworks this summer. But one ride every twelve months felt like it was time to say goodbye. Still, it feels like an ending.
Good Day Sunshine
The sun in shining and once again we are making our way towards 60 degrees. Not really appropriate for February, so I am terrified for our plant, but in a family season when the boys are really getting on each other's nerves, it's nice to be able to kick them outside.
We also just came off a week of not having a furnace.
A week ago Sunday, the heat went on the fritz and by the end of the day had quit. But it was 60 degrees out and our house holds temperature well, so no need to pay Sunday emergency prices to find a solution. Monday we got recommendations on furnace folks and had the first guy visit and give his diagnosis. We learned that our furnace was too big for the house and had been overheating and wearing itself out, resulting in a cracked something or other (Tim would know) and no heat. House was still warm enough, so we get a second opinion on Tuesday. Second opinion was the same as the first so we spent Wednesday reviewing the two project quotes and figuring out how to pay for a new furnace while in the process of refinancing our house and needing a new car (because if it's not one thing, it's three...). By Thursday the weather was getting itself back to winter so we were glad to have space heaters and the furnace installation under way. Thursday evening was the first time the house got below 60. And by dinner time Friday we had heat again.
And now the sun is back and it's once again making its way to 60 degrees outside. The weather may be wholly inappropriate, it's Super Tuesday which is as nauseating and it is exciting, but at least the sunshine makes brotherly fights and figuring out family finances a little easier to bare.
Giving Thanks
"Morning Edition's series One-Hit Wonders / Second-Best Songs focuses on musicians or bands whose careers are defined by a single monster hit, and explains why their catalogs have much more to offer."
I had no idea that this One-Hit Wonders / Second-Best Songs series was a thing on Morning Edition until I caught it on my drive into work this morning. I wasn't even clear on what it was as it began. Once upon a time, I KNEW composers - I knew their dates (roughly), could recognize their music, could speak intelligently(ish) about them. I'm pretty rusty these day. But the opening sounds of Holst's "Mars, the Bringer or War" are unmistakable. That is how the program started, followed by a brief discussion of the life and work of Holst that has been overshadowed by the popularity of The Planets. And then a recomendation to listen to his St. Paul's Suite, the "Second-Best Song" selected for this composer who for many is a bit of a one-hit-wonder, with a bit of the Suite played of course.
It was a wonderful little program! But what struck me most, what that I not only knew, but have also performed, much of the music of Holst that was discussed. What an incredible thing to hear a story of the well know and less known music of this composer and to be able to remember exactly which music educator in my life introduced me to those lesser known pieces. Holst's setting of the Rig Veda text is haunting to sing, the St. Paul's Suite lovely to hear your fellow students play, and Jupiter, the Bringer of Jollity incredible to play, even for a reluctant teenage violist.
I am giving thanks for so many amazing music educators in my life.
Songs and Snacks
On telling the kids that school has been canceled for the next two weeks, Liam announced in his most frustrated, pouty, well projected voice:
"The coronavirus is keeping everyone from Learning, and Singing Songs, and eating SNACKS!"
To be clear, we have plenty of songs and snacks. Over the next two weeks we may even have some learning. Here's to offering patience, grace, songs and snacks to our kids and ourselves.
Day 1
It is quiet this morning. The boys were up late last night - later than usual dinner, then playing outside in the last bit of dusk and a good bit of dark, then we started a family game of Stone Age (to be continued today - Stone Age is our Monopoly).
Today was a regularly schedule professional day for Bedford schools. We had planned to go to the Science Museum, which would have meant a normal hour bedtime and then our regular morning routine. Even as of Tuesday night as we shared dinner with friends, there was thought that today might go as it had been planned months ago. We were all still wrapping our heads around this new COVID-19 coronavirus and what it really meant.
But it has become clear that going along as usual, trusting in your family's or your social network's good health and good hygiene is both a privileged choice and irresponsible one.
The Bedford public schools began daily updates on the state of the new coronavirus in Bedford and our schools on Monday, on Wednesday announced that they would used the already planned professional day to get ready for the time when distance learning was necessary and then Thursday afternoon, in conjunction with surrounding towns, decide to close all schools for the next two weeks. Arlington, Bedford, Belmont, Burlington, Lexington, and Winchester made the decision together. Other towns are closing schools for 30 days, others still making plans.
So today is Day One of being home, practicing social distancing and living in this strange new world of pandemic. We have plenty of food and books, library and video subscriptions, access to video meeting platforms for virtual visits, and expect that we'll be receiving virtual learning materials from the schools in the next few days. We're still going to treat today as the day off it was supposed to be, but we'll also be figuring out how to build structure into the next two weeks as we all work and learn and play under one roof.
Tim's choir has had to cancel its last 6 weeks of rehearsals and concert, but he will be creating opportunities for them the gather virtually and stay connected. Hopefully this will result in a strong return rate for the summer session. And we spent the beginning of the week reaching out to his collegiate a cappella groups to give them a framework for crafting new recording plans as need be once their more pressing concerns around college closings have settled down. Each decision we make is a reminder of the incredible place of privilege we inhabit. Now to stay healthy and to do our part to help our community stay healthy too.
Here goes!
Music with Friends
As part of our social distancing and ordering our days while school is closed, we hope to do virtual visits with friends. One of Liam's friends in Arlington is going to especially miss her school routine and activities, so her parents are trying to give her an activity each day that is along the same lines and the special she would have had in school that day. Friday is MUSIC day for her. It also happens to be music day for both Nathan and Liam (they loved this fact when they discovered it in September - first week of school Nathan would ask each day: "Liam what special did you have today?" and when that first Friday he answered "music" "ME TOO! Isn't music THE BEST?!?!").
SO while today is mostly going to be a playing day off for us, we do plan to do a bit of virtual music together this morning. And of course, the music educator in my can't totally wing it, so I did a little planning last night. One of our activities will be discovering a new composer by listening to different selections of music while coloring what we hear. If it goes well this might become one of our regular activities for the next two weeks.
Day 2
Liam's hand-washing strategy is as follows:
1) Squirt soap on your hands. Start singing any song that pops into your head.
2) Realize all you're doing is standing in the bathroom singing.
3) Begin rubbing your hands together vigorously while singing Mozart (ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle or Baba Black Sheep). Occasionally choose Happy Birthday. Sing all the way through once.
4) Put your hands under the water and begin rinsing while singing your chosen song a second time. If you chose Happy Birthday, include as part of your song a reflection on who you should be singing to, because whose birthday is today anyway?
5) Add a lengthy cadenza to the end of your song because there is no way you have gotten all the soap off yet.
6) Jump your way out of the bathroom with vigor.
Day 3
It's Sunday. Other than church at home via video (a thoughtfully done service - a somewhat successful watching experience - Tim was part of the team making church happen, so it was one Mama trying to pay attention wrangling two boys who were less into it) we had a pretty typical Sunday.
Of course, in such beautiful weather we're typically calling up friends for an outdoor adventure, but instead we decided to start teaching Liam to ride a bike. We played outside, raked leaves, fought, forgave, played Zelda, made dinner. Grandma and Grandpa dropped off fancy cocoa that we had planned to use in a joint baking project that is now postponed. We didn't do too much planning for the school week other than to figure out when Tim and I will each get work hours. And roughly when school-ish activities will happen.
Schools are now closed until at least April 6th - 3 weeks. So we will need some structure. School-ish stuff from 8am-3pm, including outdoor time, snacks, lunch, probably music every day, feels necessary to reduce everyone's metal burden of what do we do NOW? And just like on the weekends, it's okay to be bored some times.
This week we are keeping 100% to our family, but we are already in conversation with two local families about how to create a small, closed circle of outdoor, appropriately distanced social interaction in the following weeks.
SO here goes - back to "school" tomorrow...
Poetry During a Pandemic
Of course it makes sense that there is beautiful poetry coming out of this time.
Pandemic
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath —
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love—
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
-—Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
Day 4
A week ago (last Tuesday to be precise) as we compared notes on what we would want to have if we were holding up at home for a few weeks Becca said plenty of flour, sugar and butter because being home two kids definitely means more baking.
I was focused on rice and beans - the staple foods in our house.
Who knew that what I really should have focused on was hot chocolate? Turns out in this time of ever changing health news and trying to find our new normal, hot chocolate is my go to - and I can't even drink it!
The boys are not complaining.
Day 5
Tuesday - A school day and work day as best we can manage it. The school / work schedule we're trying out is going to need some tweaking, but even after just two days it is such a help to have a plan. We aren't killing each other yet, but I'm sure that won't last. :) The boys are definitely sick of each other by the afternoon.
The biggest hit today was Spanish with Grandpa. I don't really know what they worked on, but Nathan said it was good and the almost hour long session wasn't too long. While Nathan and Grandpa practiced Spanish, Liam and Grandma read together and when that stopped working, played a game of yahtzee. Liam loved it. We'll have to figure out more games that can be played over video.
Day 6
We have added "Before School Gym" to our weekday routine. Which means that by 10:30am I had already done 3 workouts - Nathan's PT stretch routine (we all did it), the morning cardio routine from Nathan's teacher (we all did it) and a repeat of yesterday's yoga routine that Liam wanted to do again (Nathan opted out and kept reading). Then this afternoon we did a 2 mile walk on the Battle Road Trail. This is more exercise than I've done in years! Too bad social distancing seems to be a lot like a long car trip - in which everyone wants to eat all the snacks all the time - otherwise this could be really good for my physical health.
In related news, we neglected to build in time apart for the boys this afternoon, so the afternoon walk began with the boys social distancing from each other - walking a at least 12 feet apart for good measure.
Day 7
It's not yet 11:30 but the predicted meltdown has finally begun. Not sure if this is sooner or later than expected, but clearly it's of enough note to interrupt the work day and write it down. Poor Tim has a mutiny on his hands downstairs and no patience for it. They are trying to build a remote control car using a kit the boys got for Christmas, but it's raining out so they didn't get to run around outside before trying to focus on a project together, which I am sure did not help.
My personal mutiny came in the form of moving half the furniture in the guest room before beginning my work day - sitting in a desk and chair that were slopping significantly down hill just wasn't working for me.
Let's hope we make it to dinner time!
Screen filled days
In spite of a global pandemic (that's a redundancy, but what other adjective do you give a pandemic?) and the assertion from everyone that yes it is okay for your kids to have extra screen time right now, I think we are striking a pretty good balance of screen time to everything else time. The only problem is - we don't have enough screens. So while the amount of time ON screens themselves feels perfectly appropriate and reasonable to me in this season, the amount of time MANAGING those screens is insane - and the kids aren't event fighting over it! It's the setting up and the switching over and the which video platform are we using for this activity and oh, that one isn't working right now, so what is plan B? I am starting to feel that if we had MORE screens we could in fact reduce our screen time, and that feels totally backwards. Somewhere in the house we have an old Dell laptop, some sort of android tablet and a kids kindle from four years ago. Might be time to see what they can do...
Day 8
Living in our house these days is like living in a jukebox - or a radio with a dial that keeps spinning. The boys do not even bother to finish a song before they are on to the next. If they aren't singing, they are humming - sometimes songs are sung with the real words, sometimes made up lyrics, but the tunes are constant. Do they do this at school too?
Day 9
I do not think I have ever been more relieved to wake up to a Saturday. The mental fatigue of trying to figure out how to make the best choices we can to keep our family and community safe is REAL. And then you add the mental gymnastics of going between kids and work all day long. And we aren't even trying to homeschool!
My objectives for Monday - Friday are simple:
1) give the boys opportunities to do academic-y things that they enjoy and want to do and are not terribly taxing us their parents (they love any computer math game)
2) give ourselves work time
3) encourage creative, independant play
4) not kill each other
In fact, I just crowd sourced the most non-committal music lesson ever:
Each week (at least until it becomes more taxing than fun) we are learning a (very little) bit about a new composer by listening to (a few minutes of) 3-4 contrasting pieces (or movements), drawing what we hear, and then at the end Surprise! it was all the same composer and here's a little bit about them. (It's only been two weeks - they have not caught on to the surprise yet.)
Week one of this music activity was inspired by my discovery of One-Hit Wonders / Second-Best Songs (which reminds me - I should see what other artists I can pull from there!) and week two was a total cop-out with The Four Seasons.
So my brain is tired and glad for the weekend.
This morning the kids played, had breakfast, played some more - this time with Dada - and then at 10:30am we headed out - Nathan and I on bikes and Liam and Dada with scooters in the trunk. We all made our way to the Narrow Gauge bike path at Fawn Lake - Liam went to practice on a two wheel scooter and Nathan and I headed towards Lexington. In the end Liam spent more time making sure Dada got time on the two wheel scooter than riding it himself. Nathan and I did an 8 mile loop. It was the morning we needed. We'll try not to put too many expectations on tomorrow and see how our heads are doing when Monday comes around again.
Sunday morning creativity
7:40 am Story Writing
Liam: "nathan, Nathan, NATHAN! You spelled "be" wrong."
Nathan: "I did?"
Liam: "It's B-Y"
Nathan: "How do you know?"
And then they wrapped up their story and were on to legos, and an hour later the lego play continues.
I miss being together in church (this is week 3 for us b/c we didn't go the church the last week services were held in person) but this first Sunday morning that the boys are really setting their own creative schedule (service is not till 10am) is lovely.
Day 10 - An introvert worshiping from home
You might think for an introvert, church online would be a great thing. After three weeks of it, I've decided for this introvert it is not. Even if I have to remind myself that hospitality and connecting are things I believe in and am capable of so that I don't give in to the temptation to make a beeline for home right after service, I do actually want to be worshiping with a community of people. I'm a bit of a snob who grew up in the amazing choral tradition of the Episcopal Church so now that I find myself in the world of more contemporary Christian music I tend to only sing the songs I like (or that at least fit in my vocal range) and yet even if I am not singing I value being among others who are. You can't do that at home. Over the past few years more and more corporate payer has worked its way into our liturgy and I love all the voices coming together as one. Just hearing my family's voices - as much as I love them - is not the same. So I am getting used to this, and am looking forward to being together again whenever that is. Who knows, maybe this season of social distancing will be the season I get out of my introverted space.
Day 11
I've been thinking about all the free offerings that have been created or made available in the last week. There are not enough hours in the day to enjoy them all, but it is wonderful that they exist. Building community, making outlets for beauty and creativity and learning and self care free and available are all good things. But part of me also feels like all these things now exist because we all feel the need to DO SOMETHING. And putting free resources out into the world is a way to do something. But what if what we are doing doesn't put anything out into the world? what if there is "nothing" to show for it? The pressure to DO, participate, help make better in this time of uncertainty is still there. I guess that's why I wish our governor had issued a stay at home order today instead of just an advisory. Sure, with all non-essential businesses closed for the next two weeks starting tomorrow, there is a lot less to go out for, but an order to stay home would have made it abundantly clear that in just staying put we are in fact DOING - and we are doing the most important thing we can do, reduce as much as possible the ability of this virus to spread. Not by DOING but by just BEING.
March Snow
Because the world does not feel upside down enough, this afternoon's predicted rain came as snow. And stayed snow and accumulated snow through dinner and bedtime. Just recently it has started to sound like rain out there. We will see what the morning brings for weather.
Day 12
This morning we played in the snow, bundled up in snow pants and coats (although mostly to stay dry). This afternoon we played in the sun - Nathan in a t-shirt.
The snow inspired me to take a more relaxed morning. I wanted the boys to get outside before it melted, which meant bribing them with pancakes for breakfast, but also making pancakes and letting the first part of the morning evolve as the outdoor play lead. I think it was a success. Nathan's stretches still happened. We got to morning math not much later than we have been other mornings and then the day was back on track. I also added a note to the top of our weekly schedule that reads "This schedule is to give us ideas and make sure Mama & Dada have time for their paying jobs. Be flexible!" So here's to week two!
Day 13
In this time of pandemic and trying even harder to keep our germs to ourselves, is "NO BEATBOXING IN THE HOUSE!!" a new rule for anyone else? Only our family?
I shouldn't be surprised that our constant beatboxer (aged 5.75 years) hasn't stopped just because he REALLY needs to keep his spit to himself, but it's been a reminder of what a messy musical endeavor beatboxing is.
Major Meltdown
Well, the major meltdown day hit today. The boys took turns melting and tantruming - Nathan over his stretches and morning gym, Liam over the suggestion to write a note to his grandparents, Liam and then Nathan and the Liam and then Nathen while they "played" outside, and then again over legos. It was great. We all were super tired and even hot chocolate couldn't fix it. To top of all off, the governor announced that schools will not open before Monday May 4th. (May the Fourth be with you - and also with you.)
It's only been a week and a half, and each day of the five day work week has it's own uniqueness even if we are trying to keep a general pattern to our days, so not nearly enough time for any sort of routine to really set in. So that is hopeful I think, rather than terrifying. We may all be loosing our cool today, but we're also all still figuring this out. And knowing that we have at least 5 more weeks of being home together and that the schools are working on an equitable, healthy way to make remote learning happen makes me feel actually less concerned about getting any sort of "school stuff" done in these early days. I just want us to keep working on figure out what is going to work to keep us engaged, employed, and relatively happy.
Day 14 - Let it be
Each night and again in the morning I have been thinking of this prayer from Compline as it appears in the New Zealand Book of Common Prayer's English translation.
At night I am remind:
It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
As I start the day, even though it is a prayer for the end of the day:
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.
Lord,
it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.
The night is quiet.
[b]Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.[/b]
The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys,
new possibilities.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Aches
My body aches.
My shoulders and the back of my neck from the stress my body is carrying even if my brain is good at not noticing.
And from my still working on it home office setup. (I need a better chair, and keyboard, and laptop stand, and mouse...)
My legs - thighs and calves - ache from the squats that have begun a fixture in our morning gym routine.
And from the hikes that now occur throughout our week.
My arms ache from pushups (again, thank you morning gym) and planks (when I get tired of suffering through the pushups).
My body aches, but I guess it isn't all bad.
Day 15 - Playdates
We are social distancing and pretty much in quarantine at our house, since other than Tim's trip to the grocery store last Friday none of us have been anywhere with other people for 14 days at this point, so how is it that today we had more playdates than I think we've ever had in one day?
Nathan had a morning get together with his teacher and class. Liam had "morning recess" organized by another classroom parent. Following indoor recess a classmate called up to ask to continue playing. Which lasted until lunch which was followed by another playdate with friends of both boys. The screen and schedule management of playdates without leaving the house is exhausting for the parents, but wonderful for the boys. I definitely reach screen fatigue faster than they do.
Day 16 - Lead us not into Temptation
We did not have a slow enough day today. By Wednesday I was looking forward to the weekend - my whole being is still getting used to how to live this new do all the things with all the people while everyone is at home reality. But I think that is the temptation - to do ALL THE THINGS. To STILL do all the things we've always done, just in a new way. And now that there is no travel time, we can do more of the things because we think we have more time for doing things. AND YET - it's not really true, and it's exhausting.
So while we (the kids?) had a few slow moments today, we also fit a lot in - getting outside in the yard for the morning sun, an impromptu game of Uno with Henry, a wonderful lunch catching up with Alex and Adina and Theia since we couldn't see them in person as originally planned for today, yard work to get more leave removed and beds uncovered ahead to the rain this coming week, more Uno, this time with Grammy and Papa, prep in the school room for distance learning to begin next week - all good things. But by the end of the day I was once again all screened - and energyed - out. And it seems so was everyone else. We came to the end of the day with after dinner fighting. We sorted it out and enjoyed one more game of Uno before bed.
It will be raining tomorrow. I think we can do less.
UNO!
This morning Liam crawled into bed with me to tell me about the 8 rounds of Uno the boys had already played together. Yesterday there were no fewer than four Uno sessions - probably more that I didn't know about - each of multiple games. It can be played just the two boys or the whole family, in person or over a screen with friends and family we can't currently visit.
Nathan came up with the idea to give Liam a set of Uno cards for Christmas this past Christmas. We chose a set of cards in a tin so the box would survive lots of use. We had no idea that six months later it would be a key ingredient in surviving social distancing, traveling around the house daily.
Best Christmas Present Ever.
Day 17
Today was slower, with less screen time. We facetimed with friends during church which made the service much better for everyone - by Sunday my kids just don't want to do discussion questions with me - I can't imagine why! So having friends to discuss with made it work. And after church we broke off into two platforms so that the kids could have a play date and we could catch up as grown ups with Bill and Kristina.
Distance Learning begins this week, with assignments & activities from the boys' teachers and "specials" from the school for Liam. We pick up a chromebook from the school tomorrow morning and then Nathan is off and running! Kindergarten stuff will come later in the week. It means restructuring our whole schedule again, but it will be nice for the academic endeavors to have goals. We'll see how it all goes...
Day 18
With the need to make a morning trip to pickup the school chromebook and the start of distance learning this week, I thought maybe today we could relax our schedule a bit while figuring out the new schedule. It was not my best idea. The morning was great. The boys asked to do the math and reading programs we've been doing, so we did that. Family games were played. But then Nathan had actual school work to do, that was not at all attractive to him having already done math and reading on the computer. And Tim misunderstood the schedule so found himself having to head back to work before I was done and before setting Nathan up to have success with his school work (he'd never before done it in this way, t being day 1 of distance learning...). So the afternoon was full of angst and frustration. Needless to say, we will be back on a schedule tomorrow - one with more outdoor time built in now that we have more actual school stuff to fit in. we did manage to turn the evening around with a rousing game of (you guessed it) Uno.